


Crush

by sparklepox (travelingpsycho)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 20:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3623370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/travelingpsycho/pseuds/sparklepox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jongdae likes the beach and he likes surfing, but he likes Han best of all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crush

If his parents knew how much time he'd be spending at the beach, Jongdae reflects, they probably wouldn't have agreed to let him go to college in California. He does go to classes more often than not, and he only sometimes falls asleep in them after waking up early to go surfing. He does his homework when it's required and doesn't fail his tests so it's not like he's a total slacker.

But he does spend an awful lot of mornings and weekends at the beach, surfing or lying in the sand with his wetsuit pulled down to his waist, soaking up the sun. His friends are mostly surfers too, a mix of locals who've been doing this for years and know the best places to go and newbies like him. They call him JD when they don't call him "dude" or "man" and don't care that his English isn't perfect and he doesn't exactly fit the image of the typical California surfer.

There are only two other international students in their usual group, Jongdae's roommate Baekhyun ("Beck" to their Korean-challenged friends) and a Chinese junior called Han. Baekhyun was the one to drag Jongdae out for surfing lessons in the first place, but now it's usually Jongdae pestering a less enthusiastic Baekhyun to join him at the beach. As for Han, after two years of college in California plus another year back in high school, he looks very much the part of a surfer, his floppy hair bleached to a sandy blond, his skin perpetually tanned.

Jongdae likes the beach, and he likes surfing and the guys he does it with, but he'd be lying if he said Han wasn't part of his motivation for coming out so regularly. The first time Jongdae and Baekhyun showed up, Han greeted them in Korean with a dazzling smile on his face, only to laugh awkwardly when they responded and admit that greetings were about the extent of his knowledge. "I wanted to go study in Korea, but my parents insisted on the US."

So they've had to communicate in English, Han's smooth and Jongdae's and Baekhyun's more stilted, but Han was thrilled to no longer be the odd one out in a group of guys who are from no further away than Washington or New Mexico. For his part, Jongdae was happy to make a new friend, but also excited to have a very hot guy in a wetsuit to ogle. (Baekhyun, even though they'd only known each other for a few weeks at that point and Jongdae hadn't told him anything, elbowed him in the ribs and said, "Quit staring" with a teasing grin.)

That was nearly six months ago and no one really expected Jongdae and Baekhyun to stick around, but here they are, holding their own on the waves and learning English peppered with "like." Jongdae's initial attraction to Han has blossomed into a full-blown crush as he's gotten to know him, and Baekhyun has long since given up trying to stop him from being obvious about it.

He doesn't think Han knows, or any of their other friends. Jongdae gets teased about being touchy, but so does Baekhyun, who's just as bad in his own way, and they touch everyone. Han gets the same teasing, but he's more selective about who he touches. Baekhyun has wormed his way into that category (though most of the time Han just hits him), but Jongdae still hasn't. He gets the occasional pat on the back or purposeful touches, but no hugs, no arm around his shoulders, no gentle hand on the back of his neck to show that Han is comfortable with him.

And Jongdae touches everyone, usually, but he's hesitant with Han, not wanting to push him if he's uncomfortable, and not trusting himself not to get carried away. They talk easily and they're friends, Jongdae thinks, but he's more careful with Han than he is with anyone else in their group, and that's sad when he wants so much more.

"You should just tell him," Baekhyun says one Saturday in April as they tumble into their beds after a long day out. "You're in California. You could marry another guy if you wanted to. It's not a big deal here."

"But Han's not from here," Jongdae points out, "and even if he is into guys, it'll be weird if I say I like him and he just wants to be friends. He's probably dating someone anyway, with that face and that body."

Baekhyun laughs. "That face and that body and that awkward personality. When is he even going to have time for a girlfriend? He's at the beach with us all the time and he barely talks to anyone there outside our group, so unless he's dating one of the guys..."

Baekhyun has a point, which is good in that it means Jongdae might have a chance, but bad in that it means he's running out of excuses not to tell Han how he feels. He's usually a straightforward guy anyway, and it's hard hiding his feelings, especially from a friend. There's a good chance Han will reject him, but at least that way he'll know for sure and he can do his best to move on instead of pining uselessly like he is now.

"Fine, I'll try. But if it blows up in my face, I'm blaming you."

That gets another laugh from Baekhyun. "Got it. But I'll still be your friend even if your big gay crush rejects you and—" Jongdae throws a pillow at him to shut him up, and their conversation promptly degenerates into a pillow fight, but that's okay. Jongdae has made up his mind.

 

The problem with always hanging out in a group of people is that it's hard to get Han alone. There's always someone around, or if there isn't, there will be within a minute, which isn't enough time for the conversation Jongdae wants to have. It would probably be better to talk to Han on campus, but they hardly ever see each other there, since they're in different majors and Han lives off campus. Jongdae could ask him to meet up, but that just seems like too much pressure.

And then he's walking home from class one sunny day when he spots Han. He's lying on a towel on the grass with his headphones in and his eyes closed and Jongdae almost misses him, but once he notices, he has to stop and stare because he looks so good. Without thinking, he veers off the path and goes over to Han, plopping down on the grass next to his towel.

He thinks Han is sleeping, but he opens his eyes when Jongdae sits down. "Oh, hi." He pulls out his earbuds and sits up. "Where did you come from?"

"I was heading back from class," Jongdae explains. "I never see you on campus. I was starting to think you were lying about being a student."

Han smiles and Jongdae's heart skips a beat at the sparkle in his stupid eyes, in case there was any question that this crush was a serious thing. "English major," Han tells him. "Lots of reading, not a lot of class time. My classes are done, but I'm meeting my friend for dinner, so I'm waiting for him to get out of lab."

"Oh." There's no reason to feel disappointed at that, but Jongdae does anyway. "Then I'll just..."

"It's fine," Han quickly assures him. "I've still got"—he checks his phone—"half an hour, assuming he gets out on time, which he hardly ever does."

"Then I guess I won't go." Jongdae takes off his backpack and puts it down next to him, and Han scoots over to make room on the towel.

"Good. You can keep me company." Another smile, and another stutter in Jongdae's heartbeat. He's used to seeing Han rumpled and half asleep in bathing suits or wetsuits and maybe a worn sweatshirt if it's cold. He's hardly dressed up now, but he looks nice in cargo shorts and a t-shirt, his hair actually combed for once.

They talk about classes and surfing and their mutual friends for a good twenty minutes before Jongdae, with time running out, finally forces himself to say, "I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Haven't we been talking?" Han asks with a lazy smile.

Jongdae braces himself, hoping he can say it right in English and hoping that Han won't never want to speak to him again after. "But something...different. Important."

"Okay," Han says, turning serious. "You can talk to me." If he has any suspicion of what's coming, Jongdae can't read it in his expression.

"I don't want it to be a big deal because, you know, you're a good friend and I don't want to fuck that up, but I mean, just in case, I thought I should tell you that, uh, I like you."

"You like me?" Han echoes. He looks confused, but Jongdae's sure he said at least that much right.

"Yeah. Not, like, in a friend way. Well, in a friend way too, but..." Han's expression has shifted from confusion to shock, eyes wide, and Jongdae flounders. "Sorry, nevermind, just—"

"Wait," Han stops him. "You...I didn't even know you were into guys."

Jongdae shrugs, nervously tapping his leg. "It's not something I tell most people. Here it's not so bad, but in Korea, it's not the kind of thing you want spread around."

Han nods sympathetically, which tells Jongdae nothing useful. He doesn't know what to say next, so he waits, and Han seems to be waiting too. Finally, when the silence is making Jongdae want to scream, Han says, "I thought you didn't really like me."

"Huh?" is the only response Jongdae can find to that.

"You're really friendly, and you're always talking to someone and always touching everyone, but not me. It's not like I thought you hated me or anything, but I figured it was because you didn't think we were close, or you just didn't want to be."

Jongdae puts his hand over his face, half laughing. "You don't touch me like you do other people either, so I thought you didn't want me to."

When he looks up, Han is wearing a wry smile. "Guess we got our signals crossed." Then his smile stiffens and he adds, "But, uh, the liking thing. That's, um..."

"We can forget it, really. It's okay, I—"

"Can you let me finish?" Han's tone is dry and he's smiling normally again, which seems like a good sign. "I need to think about it, okay?"

"Really?" Jongdae can't help sounding overly eager underneath the surprise. It's hardly a positive response, but it's not a rejection either. It means he has a chance, which is more than he expected. 

Luckily, Han looks amused by his reaction. "Really. But, uh, I mean, we can be friends, right? No matter what? It's been fun having you around."

Jongdae nods quickly. "Sure. Of course."

Han gives him another big smile and this time Jongdae can't even bring himself to care about what it does to his heart.

 

Han's at the beach the next morning, already out in the water by the time Jongdae gets there. He doesn't say anything but hi to Jongdae when they pass each other later, and he doesn't say much of anything at all when they've all given up on the waves and are sprawled out on the sand. When Jongdae looks over at him, his eyes are closed. Even with his hair scraggly from the water and sand on his cheek, he looks stunning, the sun shining on his tanned skin and his long eyelashes fluttering.

Jongdae flops back down on the sand and Baekhyun, lying next to him, snickers. "Shut up," Jongdae mutters.

It's not until they all decide to head back that Han turns to Jongdae and asks, "Hey, want to hang out a bit longer?" It seems like a perfectly casual question, but Han has never asked him to hang out alone before, so Jongdae is startled.

"How are you going to get home?" asks Matt, Han's roommate who always gives him a ride.

Han shrugs. "We can take the bus."

"The buses are shit," Baekhyun points out.

Han just shrugs again and asks Jongdae, "What do you say? If you want to get home, that's cool."

Jongdae's nervous at the thought of being left here alone with Han, but he'd be an idiot not to jump at the chance. Maybe this is the time to get his answer from Han, and if he wants to be alone knowing they'll have a long trip home after, that seems like a good sign. "Sure," he says, trying to keep it light, like his heart isn't racing from anticipation, ignoring the smirk Baekhyun shoots at him.

They load their boards into the cars and then leave the others to walk back down to the beach together. "Let's take a walk?" Han suggests.

Jongdae nods, trying to calm his pounding heart. It's late afternoon already and the sun is starting to dip down toward the water, patchy clouds promising a beautiful sunset. The beach is quieter at this time of day, just the occasional dog walker and a couple asleep on a towel, plus a small group having a barbeque. They walk in silence for a minute or two, Han seemingly content to look out at the water and Jongdae searching for something good to say.

Han ends up speaking first. "I hope you don't mind staying out with me. We never really get any time alone, and I wanted to talk to you. And if we're going to talk, this is as good a place as any, right?"

"Yeah," Jongdae agrees. 

There's another moment of silence before Han says, "I thought about what you said."

He stops there and Jongdae turns to look at him, screaming on the inside for him to get on with it. "Yeah?" he prompts.

Han takes Jongdae's elbow to pull him closer, then smiles before answering with a brief kiss. Jongdae blinks in surprise when they separate and Han laughs softly. "Is that a good reaction? I can't tell."

"That's..." Jongdae presses his lips together. They're tingling like Han did a lot more than just give him a little peck. "Surprised," he manages. "I'm surprised."

"Didn't think I'd kiss you?" Han's still smiling, but Jongdae thinks he seems a little wary.

"I thought there'd at least be more talking first," Jongdae says dryly.

Han shrugs. "I'm not good at talking. Kissing I can do." He flashes Jongdae an adorably sheepish smile. "I can do more of that if you want me to."

"But..." Jongdae's brain is still trying to catch up. "I thought you...I mean, you seemed...are you even...?"

Han scrunches up his face in a way that looks kind of weird, but Jongdae likes it anyway. It's kind of pathetic, how much he likes everything about Han. "I guess I did say I needed to think about it, but what did you expect? That I was just going to make you wait for a rejection?"

Now Jongdae shrugs, not wanting to admit his doubts. He's generally a pretty confident guy, but he _really likes_ Han and it's hard to believe this is going so well. When Han continues looking at him expectantly, he reluctantly says, "I don't know. I guess I thought someone like you would have a girlfriend or something."

"Like me?" Han asks.

"You know." Jongdae gestures at Han in a way he hopes conveys "hot."

Han laughs, which may or may not mean that he gets it. "I'm terrible with girls. And it seems like you think I'm a lot straighter than I am." Jongdae lets out a surprised laugh at that, and Han seems pleased. "Look, I told you that I needed to think about it, and I did, and I realized that I like you, and I want to kiss you, so I did. And if you're cool with it, I'd like to do it again."

Jongdae still can't quite believe this is real, that it's this easy, but he's not about to say no to another kiss. "Yeah," he agrees, trying to play it cool. "Sure."

Judging from Han's grin as he leans in, Jongdae's not fooling anyone, but that's okay because he forgets everything else once Han's lips meet his in a more lingering kiss. Another follows that, and then another, and then they kiss more deeply, Jongdae's hands coming to rest on Han's chest because he feels unsteady on his feet. It feels scratchy from the sand, but Han's chest is bare, his wetsuit pulled down to his waist, and his skin is warm under Jongdae's hands and as far as Jongdae's concerned, everything is perfect.

By the time they break apart, they've missed the peak of the sunset, and Han pouts when he realizes. "That's okay," Jongdae tells him, leaning against Han's side as they watch the last bits of brilliant red fade away. "There'll be others."

"There will be," Han cheerfully agrees. "Even better, I bet."

"Even better," Jongdae confirms, smiling to himself.

 

Nothing much changes after that. Jongdae still goes to the beach more days than he doesn't, darkening his tan and improving his surfing skills. He still talks and laughs with all the guys and picks on Baekhyun, who snipes right back. But when he sits down on the sand, it's next to Han, whose arm automatically wraps around Jongdae to pull him closer. When he sprawls out on a towel, Han gets to be his pillow, and when Han smiles at Jongdae, he can lean in and kiss him.

He was worried the first time, but Matt just said, "About time, man," and the other guys shrugged it off. Within a week, they're completely used to it.

"You know," Han tells him one evening as they stay late at the beach to watch the sunset alone, "I didn't think you'd stick around this long. The first time, you looked like you'd rather be anywhere but here. But I hoped you would, and I'm really glad you did."

"Well, I did have a pretty good reason..." Jongdae teases, enjoying the pleased laugh it gets from Han.

"Did you really stay for me?" he asks, grinning.

"Nah, I just really like surfing." When Han pouts at him, Jongdae laughs. "I do like surfing, but I like you better." Now Han beams at him, and Jongdae leans in for a kiss. It gets heated fast, but then Han pushes him away. "What?" he whines.

"I don't want to miss the sunset this time." Han gestures toward the ocean and the reddening sky above it. "We can make out later."

Jongdae laughs. "We'd better. Smiling, he settles comfortably against Han's side, warm skin on skin, and looks out over the water. As they watch the sun light the clouds on fire, Han absently rubbing at the exposed skin just above Jongdae's wetsuit, Jongdae says quietly, "You know...me too. I'm really glad I came here too."


End file.
